Category Archives: Essay

Insuring the Collection: A Life With Zero Deductibles

Insuring the Collection: A Life With Zero Deductibles

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Who the hell takes out an insurance policy on their records? Someone with too many records, that’s who.more

Thin Skin

Thin Skin

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Brad blamed my quick-comings on my foreskin. He’d read in Hustler that uncircumcised penises were extra-sensitive and therefore prone to premature ejaculation. I couldn’t argue. I’d always been extremely sensitive…more

How to Throw a Drunken Punch

How to Throw a Drunken Punch

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Your target is not the man; it is not even the thing behind the man. Your target is a feelingmore

Rob Lowe in Flight

Rob Lowe in Flight

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“There he goes, Rob Lowe, leaping from my rooftop, nothing below him but the neighbor’s flat, gray, concrete side-yard three stories downmore

On Subtraction and Rereading

On Subtraction and Rereading

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“I was being trained like the masters of old. They did not generally have large libraries. They often had only six or seven books and from these books they learned their craftmore

Notes on a Quarter-Life Crisis

Notes on a Quarter-Life Crisis

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“A year and a half ago, I had a quarter-life crisis. If you read this step-by-step strategy guide — and with a little luck and determination — you can have one, too.more

Plastic Cactus

Plastic Cactus

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“Lucky came from Egypt, the land of pharaohs and Cleopatra. Now he was dead in a box in a hole in Midland, Michigan, U.S.A. more

An Uneasy Heaven

An Uneasy Heaven

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“The nearest pizza to Heaven can be purchased with an American Express, Discover, MasterCard, or VISA at Messina’s Restaurant? in the Cressona Mall in Pennsylvaniamore

Portrait of Bullwhip

Portrait of Bullwhip

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“I grabbed the whip and let it loose in the garage, let it slither around my feet, and then I took it out into the carport.more

Get a Grip on Yourself

Get a Grip on Yourself

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“I grab the stack of mags and settle into the chair, immediately trying not to think about how many other bare asses have sweated in itmore